PAX: (yawns) Guess what, Mad? I’m officially a Jolie-Pitt today. Mommy said so. We’re waiting to hear from a judge, but when he says everything is okay, we’re gonna have a cake party and I’ll get presents.
MADDOX: (snaps to) Wha? Was that today?
MADDOX: (rolls eyes) Oh. Great.
PAX: And mommy says that if I want I can get camo pants like yours tomorrow.
MADDOX: Why do you want camo pants? My look is camo pants. I’m rough and tough! I’ve had a faux-hawk since the age of one, bitch! You look like you listen to emo.
PAX: I do listen to emo. What’s emo?
MADDOX: Whatever it is, you’re only allowed to wear Levi’s and Jack Purcells and cry through Death Cab for Cutie songs. You emoter.
PAX: What’s emoter?
MADDOX: Never mind. Stay off my pants!
PAX: But mommy said…
MADDOX: She’s not your mommy!
PAX: SHE’S NOT YOUR MOMMY!
(Incredibly, incredibly pregnant pause.)
MADDOX: (shaking it off) Man, isn’t it great being a Jolie-Pitt?
PAX: Totally. It’s like being the royalty of Narnia. I’ve completely forgotten everything before being Pax.
MADDOX: Nothing before that really mattered, man. Trust me.
PAX: One day, I’m gonna be the head of the U.N. Or an astronaut. Or a hedge fund manager.
MADDOX: I think I’m going to be professional athlete turned philanthropist. Or maybe President of the United States of America, like the band. We can do anything! In this family, we’re seeing, doing, smelling, tasting the entire world! We’re cosmopolitan, cultured, aware, tolerant, brilliant, beautiful people that will do incredible things one day! We’re special.
PAX: Awesome! (yawns) I’m so glad we aren’t stupid, fat, cracker honkies.
MADDOX: (snuggling down) Oh God, me too.
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