Super Bro

February 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Anybody that knows me is familiar with the my semi-irrational distaste for the illustrious football family, The Mannings. There are a slew of reasons, most of them having to do with Peyton and his dubious leadership abilities. But I’ll be honest, I tend to just sniff my nose at all of the Mannings–except the oldest (the only one without a Super Bowl ring)–just ‘cuz of how freakin’ dopey they seem.

It gets a little complicated with Eli. At the beginning of the season his game was looking pretty off. And for the most part, he just has this nerdy little face, and small goofy body, and whenever he throws an incomplete he makes this dumb expression that isn’t tough and isn’t pissed, it’s just “Aww, man!”

Like this:

“Aww, man!”

Most of the time, all I wanna do is shake the poor kid and grunt, “Sack up, buddy! SACK THE F*CK UP. Be a QB. Be cool! Be anything but ‘Aww, man’ guy!”

On the other hand, I’m not made of stone; I’ve always maintained the tiniest soft spot for little Eli. There’s something about the fact that he’s spent so much of his life living in his brother’s shadow. I’ve always imagined that being Eli in the Manning family is a little like being me in mine (i.e. failing), to the Nth degree. Can you imagine the dinner table? “Hey Peyton, my boy, have some more potatoes! And uh… you… what’s your name… Not-Peyton, can you go grab some more RC Cola from the fridge?”

In any other family, Eli would be the golden child. Starting quarterback of the New York Giants? That would warrant some serious mommy news clippings and daddy boasting around town. But for a really long time, poor E was just a kid whose brother happened to be in all of the NFL commercials. He got his butt kicked (literally) in their shared ESPN commercial. He cracked under the pressure of having big bro in the stands as he faced off with the Vikings in November. And if it wasn’t his mom and dad asking him, it was the world…

Why can’t you be more like your brother? “Aww, man!”

He was a somebody that kinda seemed like a nobody.

That is, until yesterday.


Thanks to Little Eli, those arrogant, cheating Disgratriots now have only their 18-1 season to brag about until next season. And I must say, huffing and puffing about a near-perfect record is pretty fuzzin’ hard to do when someone else is holding up the Super Bowl MVP trophy. It was simply the ultimate coup–and something Big Brother Peyton couldn’t even do.

Here’s to lil’ sibling comeuppance.

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