Super Bro

February 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Anybody that knows me is familiar with the my semi-irrational distaste for the illustrious football family, The Mannings. There are a slew of reasons, most of them having to do with Peyton and his dubious leadership abilities. But I’ll be honest, I tend to just sniff my nose at all of the Mannings–except the oldest (the only one without a Super Bowl ring)–just ‘cuz of how freakin’ dopey they seem.

It gets a little complicated with Eli. At the beginning of the season his game was looking pretty off. And for the most part, he just has this nerdy little face, and small goofy body, and whenever he throws an incomplete he makes this dumb expression that isn’t tough and isn’t pissed, it’s just “Aww, man!”

Like this:

“Aww, man!”

Most of the time, all I wanna do is shake the poor kid and grunt, “Sack up, buddy! SACK THE F*CK UP. Be a QB. Be cool! Be anything but ‘Aww, man’ guy!”

On the other hand, I’m not made of stone; I’ve always maintained the tiniest soft spot for little Eli. There’s something about the fact that he’s spent so much of his life living in his brother’s shadow. I’ve always imagined that being Eli in the Manning family is a little like being me in mine (i.e. failing), to the Nth degree. Can you imagine the dinner table? “Hey Peyton, my boy, have some more potatoes! And uh… you… what’s your name… Not-Peyton, can you go grab some more RC Cola from the fridge?”

In any other family, Eli would be the golden child. Starting quarterback of the New York Giants? That would warrant some serious mommy news clippings and daddy boasting around town. But for a really long time, poor E was just a kid whose brother happened to be in all of the NFL commercials. He got his butt kicked (literally) in their shared ESPN commercial. He cracked under the pressure of having big bro in the stands as he faced off with the Vikings in November. And if it wasn’t his mom and dad asking him, it was the world…

Why can’t you be more like your brother? “Aww, man!”

He was a somebody that kinda seemed like a nobody.

That is, until yesterday.

“AHHHH! I’M THE MANNING!”

Thanks to Little Eli, those arrogant, cheating Disgratriots now have only their 18-1 season to brag about until next season. And I must say, huffing and puffing about a near-perfect record is pretty fuzzin’ hard to do when someone else is holding up the Super Bowl MVP trophy. It was simply the ultimate coup–and something Big Brother Peyton couldn’t even do.

Here’s to lil’ sibling comeuppance.

Source Source Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!