Free at Last! Free at Last! Thank God Almighty, They Are Free at Last!

January 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Finally, our prayers and all of our bitching and moaning have been answered!

On last night’s Gossip Girl “winter finale” (read: last episode shot before the writers’ strike), the HaraGossip Girls were liberated from their owner Blair Waldorf! And allowed to let freedom and their voices riiiiiiiiing!

Give me liberty or give me death! Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves! Cuz I’m free, to do what I want, any old time! Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter! Black Power! Yellow Power! The Color Purple!

There’s only one itty-bitty problem with the liberation of the HaraGossip Girls. They bravely shook off the yoke of Queen B because…the horror!…she committed the moral sin of…gasp!…sleeping with…the shame!…two guys in one week…(yawn).

SO. FUCKING. LAME.

My only hope for them now is that, during their “hiatus,” the HaraGossip Girls get run over by a crosstown bus on their way to buying matching outfits at Scoop. And once the strike ends and a new season of Gossip Girl begins, this is how it will open:

INT. CONSTANCE BILLARD SCHOOL CHAPEL – MOURNING. ER, MORNING.

Blair enters the school chapel in black mourning garb, killer Louboutin heels. She is dewy and luscious-looking, despite the tragedy that has occurred. She walks to the front of the chapel and takes the stage.

BLAIR
I love my dead mute slaves! Ooooooh boooo-hoooooo! Where will I possibly find their replacements? Spence? Chapin? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Serena, her hair flowing like the mane of a galloping Palomino, rushes to the front of the chapel and whisks Blair away to a private room, where they make out and guzzle Xanax together until they see rainbows and unicorns in life once more.

FADE OUT.

Source: The CW

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