Regardless of how you feel about the movie Juno, aka “This Year’s Crash,” I think we can all agree on one thing: Ellen Page has no neck.
Is this why I find her so annoying? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s her marble-mouthed mumbling that bugs. Maybe it’s because she wore Zac Poseur to the SAG awards. Maybe it’s her “I’m just a girl from a small town in Canada” and “Juno was just a little independent movie” spiel. Maybe it’s cuz she’s a midget.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I, too, am a sufferer of No Neck Syndrome (NNS). It’s extremely difficult for me to do a headstand while balanced on my elbows and forearms, for instance. I also have to seriously consider the cut of a neckline before I get dressed so as not to appear like a 13 year-old Romanian gymnast. Turtlenecks are not my strong suit. I guess I can’t stand Ellen Page because, really, she reminds me of my own defects. And this is only a public fit of self-hatred that I’m having, rather than a legitimate gripe about how homegirl’s still in diffident pregnant teen-character while whoring out on the red carpet and every late-night talk show. Yeah, this rant is really about me and not about Ellen Page at all. Phew! So glad I figured that one out.
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