One of our readers sent us an incredible story from Sky News over the weekend: “Model to Undergo Plastic Surgery to Make Eyes Look Japanese.” 36 year-old Brazilian Angela Bismarchi, a Carnival performer, is getting a new slant on life right before Rio’s annual festival next month.
The profile is so injected with content, we decided to do a line-by-line procedure on it:
A Brazilian model is having nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an oriental slant.
DISGRASIAN: Dude, no one even calls a rug “oriental” any more.
Angela Bismarchi…is having the procedure to celebrate 100 years of Japanese immigration to Brazil.
DISGRASIAN: What an, um, unusual way to celebrate multiculturalism. But, okay!
It will be the 42nd time she has had plastic surgery and she is closing in on the world record of 47 held by American Cindy Jackson.
DISGRASIAN: Ooooooh. Now we get it. Creepy.
Bismarchi, who is 6 feet tall and promotes a lingerie collection, is married to a plastic surgeon — he has operated on her 10 times.
DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “A couple that goes under the knife together, stays together.”
Oh, wait, that’s not a saying.
(In 2002, Bismarchi) paraded with the face of President Lula da Silva painted across her exposed body.
Officers released her after she explained that it was a gesture to Silva’s anti-hunger plan.
DISGRASIAN: “Anti-hunger plan”? [note to selves: file away in case of unfortunate, unforeseen arrest]
Bismarchi had her first cosmetic surgery in 1992 after her daughter was born. She was just 21 and had her breasts lifted.
She liked the result and became so fascinated with cosmetic surgery that her next two husbands were plastic surgeons.
DISGRASIAN: You know what people say, “Do what you love.”
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