Spearsed Up

December 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Que paso? You’re preggers? I thought you were supposed to be the smart Spears. Or the not-a-trainwreck Spears. Or the “I’m going to learn from the mistakes of big sis” Spears. But never in a million years did I think you would be the pregnant-at-sixteen Spears. This is what happened to girls in my hometown who believed in “the pull-out method” and didn’t have bright futures or a TV series on Nickafuckalodeon. (I hope you’re not eating pickles and watching Juno right now and telling yourself, “It’s all good”). Britney must be psyched, um…to be an aunt. At least she had the wherewithal to get knocked up when she was married, or sorta married, or sorta at an appropriate babymaking age (I say all this, of course, given the present circumstances, and am a personal believer in having babies the very moment before one’s ovaries shrivel). Damn, girl, could you be more batshit than Brit Brit?

Anyway, let’s focus on the positive. Your BF looks like a real winner, someone who could do a lot with his life especially when you’re paying for it. And you and big sis are obviously as fertile as fruit trees. A lot of women would kill to be like you. Okay, some women. Maybe not a ton. Alright, let’s just leave it at “some.”

good luck(?),


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