So I’m going to admit to something I rarely even let myself remember, and don’t feel is in my best interest to share, but this is a safe space, and if I don’t tell you I can’t share the other thing I want to share blah blah blah!
So when 1999 turned into 2000, I competed in a pageant (YES–SHUT UP) for the title of “Miss Little Saigon 2000.” I’m not proud of it, but I can’t be fully ashamed. I was poked and prodded by family to do it, and the prize was some ridiculously wonderful thing like gobs of money and trips around the world (yes, we’re all sellouts), and quite frankly, I desperately wanted to get a traditional ao dai dress made…
…and a little frock from Prada. Got both. Phew! ANYway, when the big night came it was the spectacle of spectacles: me walking along a T-shaped runway alongside 20 other girls that were all much skinnier, oh-so delicate, and far more “Miss Little Saigon” than me. I took one long survey of my competition–all of the beautiful girls with their porcelain hands and teeny wrists and sequined eveningwear–and instantly knew I was going to lose. Their Vietnamese speech was perfect, their demure laughs so dainty! I didn’t have a chance. Or did I? I was different–no! unique, with curves (fat) on my waist and personality (jokes that no one laughed at) working for me. I bit my lip and hoped hard. Maybe the judges would have a soft spot for me.
But as my eyes cruised to the judging panel and saw a mess of plastic surgery-mangled noses, skinny wrists, steely eyes, and bedazzled gowns, I knew that would not be the case. The head judge looked at me, clucked her tongue, and shook her head. Was this the end?
Yes. I totally lost. Hell, I didn’t even make it to the semi-finals. L’sigh.
But seven years later, I still blame those bitches in the judging panel, all of those huffy and overly made-up snobs, for my demise. It should’ve been me!! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME.
Which is why I was so pissed today when I saw that one of those bitch judges apparently made it on the cover of the new issue of Jet:
I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN, BITCH!!! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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