Who’s Your Hardass Asian Daddy?

November 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We write about Hardass Asian Parents a lot, so much so that my mom, a devoted DISGRASIAN reader whom I saw last weekend, felt the need to tell me that she and my dad “were not the worst.” For those of you unfamiliar with the art of Hardass Asian Parenting, I thought I’d give y’all a little primer.

HARDASS ASIAN PARENTING 101

  1. Don’t talk to your children. Lecture.
  2. Liberally use words like “unacceptable,” “disappointed,” and “failure” while lecturing.
  3. Instead of saying “Good job,” try “Do better” or “Next time, be perfect.”
  4. Compare your children to your friends’ children, as in “Why can’t you be more like the Changs’ number one son, who went to Princeton and works for Google and makes 200K a year?”
  5. Insist that your children become doctors or lawyers or Olympians or Nobel Laureates.
  6. If your children don’t become doctors, lawyers, Olympians or Nobel Laureates, tell them that this is unacceptable, disappointing, and a total failure.
  7. When your children complain, tell them to “Suck it up” and then add, “Like I did.”
  8. When your children possess unappealing qualities, and you’re finished blaming them, blame your spouse, as in “You get your temper from your father. (sigh).”
  9. If your children tell you you criticize them too much, get defensive and say, “Well, you criticize me a lot, too,” even if it’s not true.
  10. Hug your children awkwardly on the rare occasion when they do good.

Hardass Asian Parenting was on full display in Sunday’s episode of The Amazing Race, when Robot Ronald and his Duke and Princeton-educated daughter Christina fell behind in the race and came in second to last. Here they are “on the mat,” getting talk therapy from Phil “My wardrobe serves only to hide my women’s hips” Keoghan (please click the pic, which will take you to CBS’s site):


Ronald, a little word of advice. Put a damn muzzle on yourself.

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