Paris is Burning

November 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

PARIS (TO SELF): Damn, I look good.

PARIS’ SELF: They can see your ass.

PARIS (TO SELF): Who can?

PARIS’ SELF: Everyone. We’re in China. Billions of people can see your ass.

PARIS (TO SELF): Even though I’m wearing tights?


PARIS (TO SELF): Oh, good. That’s hot.

PARIS’ SELF: Actually, I don’t think a qipao should ever be worn in such a way that the world can see your ass.

PARIS (TO SELF): Why not? It’s hot.

PARIS’ SELF: Let me correct that statement. No talentless white girl with a butter face and a flaccid ass should perform racial drag, just because she happens to be in Shanghai, by wearing a minidress that sort of resembles a qipao and rides up high to show her disgusting, drippy-looking rump.

PARIS (TO SELF): Oooomigod. You totally just said about 10 words I didn’t understand. What have you been doing with yourself, self?

PARIS’ SELF: Y’know, this and that.

PARIS (TO SELF): This and that? When you went out the other day you said you were going to go look at little dogs and shoes for me.


PARIS (TO SELF): Come closer. You smell like Chanel! Have you been hanging out with those DISGRASIAN girls again?


PARIS (TO SELF): You are! You know I don’t like them. They point out my body flaws. They’ve called me a cultural low.

PARIS’ SELF: They’ve seen your ass up close in a bikini and maintain that it’s falling faster than the stock market in 1929.

PARIS (TO SELF): The what in the what?

PARIS’ SELF: My god, you’re meaningless.

PARIS (TO SELF): I’m what?

PARIS’ SELF: This is a little too existential for you.

PARIS (TO SELF): This is too what and the who?

PARIS’ SELF: Burn this dress.


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