DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Season 9 of America’s Next Top Model (In Ka-China)

November 23rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

It’s been a very bad, very DISGRASIAN week for Miss Tyra.

We’ll admit– we’ve watched ourselves a whooooooole lot of America’s Next Top Model over the last nine seasons. And yet, we were ready within the minute to jump on the model mogul as soon as we saw her do this in Cycle 9′s eighth episode:

Tap that Chinese Dragon ass! Yer goin’ to CHINA!!!!!!!!!

…as she told the remaining six girls in the competition that they would be taking their posing act to China. Good god, haven’t reality producers learned anything from the shark jumper that is Survivor: China? That land is not your gold mine. It is merely a reality recipe for disgrace.

But we didn’t disgrace her just then. We decided to wait and observe the results of the models’ visit in the following episode. Please observe a sampling:

…OH YES, everything you see is true, from the ching-chongy electric score to the staged martial artists’ attack, to the flurry of these one-liner gems:

“Everything’s made in China and all I can think about is
shopping shopping shopping, like a whole bunch of shopping!”

“I like the symbols and things like that!”

“I had no idea China was this futuristic, amazing place–
I felt like we were part of the Jetsons or something!”

Oh god. No more. We think about 30 million of our brain cells just committed ritual suicide out of shame from bearing witness to that drivel. China is foreign! China is crazy! China is filled with little loud people that love rice and do kickflips in pajamas!

Hey, hey, of course we knew that Top Model in China was gonna be bad, we just didn’t know it was also going to be so frickin’ LAME. Though the show’s first encounter with the motherland didn’t anger us like we thought it would, it still gave us the icky tingles all the way through.

And yes, there’s a chance that next week will be far more deserving of the DOTW dishonor, but frankly, we don’t have the stomach to sit through another hour of this crap hunting for it.

Thank you, Erin!

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