Hung Like a Champion

October 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Earlier today…

[Ring, ring]

DIANA: [picks up phone] Heeelloooo, House of Pies.

JEN: Whhhaaaat’s up, dude.

DIANA: Good afternoon, Ms. Lady! How are you?

JEN: Not so hot. We killed a bottle of Armagnac last night over the Top Chef Finale. You?

DIANA: I watched it too! I put down about 3 litres of Balvenie just to add some flow to Padma’s awkward live chatter.

JEN: Her hair has never looked better.

DIANA: So true.

JEN: Dude, how psyched are you that Hung won?

DIANA: I jumped up and cheered and had to be calmed! He couldn’t have deserved it more. People have been trying to stuff that guy down all season, but as sure as I am Vietnamese, I knew he could do it.

JEN: Totally. He earned it, and it was really beautiful. Did you hear Todd English’s “Michelin 3-star” comment? I almost cried.

DIANA: Totally, and you know, if he hadn’t won, his entire family would have stopped talking to him completely.

JEN: Oh yeah. He would have been like a batter just after striking out, and nobody in the dugout would’ve even looked him in the eye.

DIANA: So for him, I am psyched that he won.

JEN: Thrilled. I was behind him all along.

DIANA: Me too. As sure as I am Vietnamese, I was. Yeah, he really honored his family traditions by modernizing all those fantastic Asian flavors, without using any stupid words like “Cal-fusion.”

JEN: Okay already.

DIANA: What?

JEN: Okay, okay, you’re Vietnamese, he’s Vietnamese. I got it.

DIANA: What? What? I’m just saying that Hung and I go together like tender pork, shrimp, and mint leaf in a delicate spring roll.

JEN: Oh my god! You’re out of your mind!

DIANA: Who’s out of their mind? What, are you trying to say that Hung isn’t hot like a fresh, steaming bowl of Pho? And me, by associasian?

JEN: You’re losing some ground here.

DIANA: Ground pork? We use a lot of ground pork. And fish sauce.

JEN: Quit it.

DIANA: Quit what?

JEN: That thing you’re doing.

DIANA: What? [Whistles] We win.

JEN: What did you say?


JEN: Did you just say “We win?”

DIANA: Um, no.

JEN: Yes you did! Yes you fucking did! I heard you!

DIANA: Well, we do win. A Vietnamese dude won Top Chef. He’s the very best. He made Rocco Dispirito twinkle. I win.

JEN: Oh, now you win?

DIANA: What, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about the aromatic qualities of lemongrass.

JEN: You’re out of control.

DIANA: I’m what? I’m out of chili paste?

JEN: I gotta go. I called to talk about Hung.

DIANA: I talked about Hung!

JEN: Uh huh.

DIANA: I’m glad he won! I’m really proud of him! He did our people proud.

JEN: I’m going to ignore that “our people” remark.

DIANA: Okay.


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