Hung Like a Champion

October 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Earlier today…

[Ring, ring]

DIANA: [picks up phone] Heeelloooo, House of Pies.

JEN: Whhhaaaat’s up, dude.

DIANA: Good afternoon, Ms. Lady! How are you?

JEN: Not so hot. We killed a bottle of Armagnac last night over the Top Chef Finale. You?

DIANA: I watched it too! I put down about 3 litres of Balvenie just to add some flow to Padma’s awkward live chatter.

JEN: Her hair has never looked better.

DIANA: So true.

JEN: Dude, how psyched are you that Hung won?

DIANA: I jumped up and cheered and had to be calmed! He couldn’t have deserved it more. People have been trying to stuff that guy down all season, but as sure as I am Vietnamese, I knew he could do it.

JEN: Totally. He earned it, and it was really beautiful. Did you hear Todd English’s “Michelin 3-star” comment? I almost cried.

DIANA: Totally, and you know, if he hadn’t won, his entire family would have stopped talking to him completely.

JEN: Oh yeah. He would have been like a batter just after striking out, and nobody in the dugout would’ve even looked him in the eye.

DIANA: So for him, I am psyched that he won.

JEN: Thrilled. I was behind him all along.

DIANA: Me too. As sure as I am Vietnamese, I was. Yeah, he really honored his family traditions by modernizing all those fantastic Asian flavors, without using any stupid words like “Cal-fusion.”

JEN: Okay already.

DIANA: What?

JEN: Okay, okay, you’re Vietnamese, he’s Vietnamese. I got it.

DIANA: What? What? I’m just saying that Hung and I go together like tender pork, shrimp, and mint leaf in a delicate spring roll.

JEN: Oh my god! You’re out of your mind!

DIANA: Who’s out of their mind? What, are you trying to say that Hung isn’t hot like a fresh, steaming bowl of Pho? And me, by associasian?

JEN: You’re losing some ground here.

DIANA: Ground pork? We use a lot of ground pork. And fish sauce.

JEN: Quit it.

DIANA: Quit what?

JEN: That thing you’re doing.

DIANA: What? [Whistles] We win.

JEN: What did you say?

DIANA: Hmm?

JEN: Did you just say “We win?”

DIANA: Um, no.

JEN: Yes you did! Yes you fucking did! I heard you!

DIANA: Well, we do win. A Vietnamese dude won Top Chef. He’s the very best. He made Rocco Dispirito twinkle. I win.

JEN: Oh, now you win?

DIANA: What, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about the aromatic qualities of lemongrass.

JEN: You’re out of control.

DIANA: I’m what? I’m out of chili paste?

JEN: I gotta go. I called to talk about Hung.

DIANA: I talked about Hung!

JEN: Uh huh.

DIANA: I’m glad he won! I’m really proud of him! He did our people proud.

JEN: I’m going to ignore that “our people” remark.

DIANA: Okay.

Source

Filed under: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!