Rumors have been flying through the Hollywood grapevine today that Sony will soon be ushering in a re-make of the timeless classic, The Karate Kid, produced through Will Smith’s Overbrook Pictures.
I must tell you, I’m buzzing with excitement. Believe me, I know The Karate Kid(s). All of ‘em.
I was there for the first one, where Ralph Macchio (Italian dude) bests the cocky dudes of the Cobra Kai (bunch of white dudes) in the All Valley Championship for not only title, but honor.
I then came back hungrily for the second one, in which Macchio (still an Italian fella) travels all the way to Japan to takes down a lifetime martial artist on his own turf–for the heart of a soft-spoken Japanese girl.
I even saw the third one–which was a total bomb–in which Macchio (yes, I checked again and yes, he’s still Italian) beats the same White Cobra Kais (now led by an even more sinister white leader, this time with a pony tail) to uphold his title. Although at this point nobody even cared and about 6 people went to see it in the theater.
No matter! The crafty people of Hollywood knew that there was just a teensy bit more money to make on this illustrious franchise. And so they found a sexy new Karate Kid… who wasn’t Asian either. But at least she was a girl, and a future Oscar winner.
So now, I’m ready. It’s our time– We’re Asian! Martial Arts is our bag! Though we’ve been practicing martial arts our whole lives, the only Asian person worth their “wax off” in these movies has been dishonored in his home country by a kid from Reseda. Puhleeze!
So who’s it gonna be? What young, attractive, diamond-in-the-rough Asian kid is going to be the new Kid of Karate?
Oh. Will Smith’s kid, Jaden. Close enough, I guess.
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