Pre-Emmys, our favorite castrato Masi Oka gave an interview to People, where he cited barely-legal Hayden Panettiere as his mentor…in the love department.
MASI: “…I’m really in no place to give (Hayden) advice because I’m looking for love myself and I haven’t had much luck there. I’m single and available.”
TRANSLASIAN: I’m unrucky in rove. I mean, unlucky. In love.
MASI: “I remember one day we went to this premiere and I didn’t realize it was a press event and they were taking pictures and Hayden came up to me and said ‘Masi, you have a hickey! We have to cover you up!’ And I was like, ‘Whoa. I didn’t know that.’”
TRANSLASIAN: I still get hickeys, even though I am 32 years old. Just rike 12 year-old boys who have never gotten raid. I mean, laid.
MASI: “Hayden always takes care of all of us.”
TRANSLASIAN: Even though I went to Brown and I am a technical genius, I am totally helpress. I mean, helpless.
Masi. We are so sick of your bullshit. Everyday, we’re trying to suture the big dick back onto the Asian Male Persona a la John Wayne Bobbitt’s ER doctors and yet you still find a way continually to CUT YOUR OWN DICK OFF and foil our hard work.
Fuck this. You’re dickless. You win.
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