MARCUS: Hey Martha. Did you sign off on those shooters?
MARTHA: (Yawns) I donno. I forgot. Can I do it later?
MARCUS: Totally. What time is it?
MARTHA: 9:30am. Wanna go get baked? And then get some Bloody Mary’s?
MARCUS: Totally. Let’s hit the Saddle Ranch!
[They exit, get into Marcus' BMW, and head to the Sunset Blvd. location of the Saddle Ranch. Five hours later, they return.]
MARTHA: I can’t believe you rode that bull!
MARCUS: It was easy. I’ve done it before.
MARTHA: So… we really need to talk some more about how we’re gonna make this show the bestest Emmys ever!
MARCUS: Yeah! It’s our chance to shine! So here’s what I’m thinking. The host– Ryan Seacrest. We’ll set up the audience in a circle around the stage. It’ll be like, you know, circular. It’ll be kind of like that terrible Dane Cook HBO special, but funny! It’ll remind you of everything you love about television, like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire! It’s egalitarian, it’s fresh, it’s new, it’s Emmy!
MARTHA: I’m down!
[They high-five. Martha writes down on a legal pad: "Circle, Seacrest, Millionaire."
MARCUS: I guess we're done working for the day.
[They leave. Later that evening, Marcus receives a frantic cell phone call from Martha.]
MARTHA: Dude! We totally forgot about how our product integration segment. We haven’t talked about how to approach that.
MARCUS: Right – we need to talk about the digital age. We still haven’t figured out who’s going to present the award for Creative Achievement in Interactive Television. Should we get, y’know, Andy Samberg or some other TV star–whose career has really been brought to life by Interactive television– broadcast himself on a YouTube style screen for the introduction? That would be edgy and fresh.
MARTHA: I like it… but I don’t love it. I feel like there’s something a little less… obvious. A little more… au courant.
MARCUS: Like what?
MARTHA: Oh! Oh! I’ve got it! Why don’t we get that funny Asian dude who’s always talking funny and pumping his fist in the air and talking about technology on Heroes to present it!
MARCUS: And he can sit behind a geeky computer! And he can wear glasses! And he can talk like a techno robot! Haha ha ha ha ha! Ohmygod I’m like, crying. This is so fucking funny.
MARTHA: What does he really have to do with Interactive Television, though, really? Does he know how to use a computer?
MARCUS: Who cares?
MARCUS: Get Masi Oka on the phone! He’s comedy gold!
Photo Source: WireImage
* = Not the actual producers
** = Not actual names (obviously)
Filed under: Circular Stages Make me Nauseous, Dane Cook, Masi Oka, Never Resisting a Chance to Exploit Yourself As A Stereotype, Product Placement, The Emmys Are Bullshit, Who Wants to Be a Millionare Besides Me?
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