Welcome to the Dollhouse

August 7th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

For the record, I tried. I tried to Season Pass Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane, which aired this weekend on the Style Network. Every time I tried to record the show, it would appear to be recording and then swiftly disappear. Just when I thought evil gnomes were fucking with my To Do list, I realized that I don’t get the Style Network. It’s too low-rent, even for my low-rent cable package.

So what’s a girl to do?

Reenact the show with Barbie dolls, of course. Here’s how my version of Life in the Fab Lane went down:

Dorothy and Kimora Barbie

“No, I am the gay icon. Hand over the Yorkie and those ruby slippers. And about the rest of that unfabulous frump-fest you’re wearing? Burn it.”

Cher and Kimora Barbie

“Bitch, don’t make me come over there and pull out all your feathers like a Thanksgiving turkey. I am the original diva!”

Hello Kitty and Kimora Barbie

“Hey! Blondie! Don’t you turn your back on me. Do that again and I will beat your ass. I invented Hello Kitty.”

Kwanzaa and Kimora Barbie

“Oh no you didn’t. Tyra is going to be so pissed that you’re stealing her look. So. Pissed.”

Secretary and Kimora Barbie

“It’s 2007 and you are somebody’s secretary? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Get somebody, anybody to answer your phones for YOU. And just so you know, your weave is appalling.”

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