In a shocking response to Muslasian protesters who denounced her as obscene, indecent, and most of all, DISGRASIAN, the AP reports that Gwen Stefani has agreed to cover up her man-body and free the Harajuku Slaves from their cages.
On Thursday, after thousands of Muslasian protesters called for a cancellation of Stefani’s concert in Kuala Lumpur, Gwen freed her slaves and, according to a source close to the Madonna-wannabe, was overheard saying to them, “Fly, my little China dolls, be free.”
The Harajuku Slaves, whose real names are Jane Wong, Becca Fukuyoshi, Michelle Tran, and Heather Kusuhara, appeared traumatized by their three year-ordeal of indentured servitude to the Debbie Harry-ripoff when they appeared at the Kuala Lumpur airport together, perhaps for the last time. The four young women boarded separate planes back to the U.S., where, as Heather Kusuhara said, “We hope to resume normal lives. Like speaking in public. And not having to walk two steps behind a butch blonde girl at all times. And not dressing identically. Yeah, normal life will be great. We’ve been through a lot.” Kusuhara credited her faith in Jesus Christ as the thing that got her through the last three years. The other women declined comment.
Stefani also could not be reached for comment. The show’s sponsor, Maxis Communications, did relay the following message by email: “Gwen is busy buying fabric to make a bitchin’ burka for her show in Kuala Lumpur. She really loves and respects Muslasians, you know.”*
(*Most of this story is fabricated. Click here to follow the real saga of Muslasians hating Gwen.)
(special thanks to Diana and Thomas–you’re both geniuses.)
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