DISGRASIANS OF THE WEAK: Love Letters

August 3rd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We always know we’re doing something right when we get fan mail at DISGRASIAN HQ. In the past few weeks, we’ve been getting a lot of it, so “Yay, Us!” We thought we’d send you off into the weekend with the best of the bunch and our responses, which are sure to inspire the fuzziest of fuzzy tummy feelings.

Here’s a letter we received after we posted about bastardly.com and their policy of giving Asian actresses and models ching-chong accents:

Hi Don,

You’ve proven one very important point, which is, if you marry an Asian–especially a linguistically-challenged one–you automatically earn the right to decide what is or isn’t offensive to Asians. Good for you! Your wife is very lucky–I mean, “She so rucky!! Wubba wubba!” Tee hee! Isn’t that funny? Yuk yuk yuk!

walm legalds,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

Then there was this terse little missive, left on our MySpace page:

Dear Yen,

We’re so happy to be giving our people “a even” (sic) worse reputation than before, because, frankly, we were so bored with our old one. You know, the whole rep about Asian men having small you-know-whats and Asian women with their sideways vajayjays, and none of us speaking a lick of intelligible English. You’re right, buddy, it’s all been downhill from there. Boy, are you observant! If we had a gold star to spare, we’d lick it and stick it on your forehead. Thanks for sharing and caring!

all the BEST,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And then we got this valentine, from one impassioned Gwen SteFANny:

Dear Eric,

OMG. That may be the first time anyone’s called us “simple-minded fucks”! Thanks so much!!! It’s so burdensome to be thought of as smart and studious all the time. And you’re so right–white people should act like white people. You are totally feeling our message, bro. As for Tragic Kingdom being a classic album, we could not agree more. It’s right up there with Sgt. Pepper’s, another record made by our enemy, white people.

lovingly,

DISGRASIAN

☆☆☆☆☆

And finally, we received this ode to Us, from an even more impassioned SteFANny:

Oh Mikael, Mikael, Mikael, while your threats of genital maiming do frighten us, we’re not sure how you would do such damage to our coochie cooches with an ordinary house wrench. Which begs the question–have you ever seen a vagina? And for that matter, have you seen a wrench? Do you know what either of those things are? We’re thinking that you probably never will.

We pity you. Have a great weekend!

wrenchingly yours,

DISGRASIAN

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