Dear Liuser

August 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Lucy,

I’m writing to you because, frankly, I’m worried. You haven’t made a good movie in four years, and that’s me being gracious and counting Charlie’s 2. I did like your killer cameo in Kill Bill 1, but it pained me to see you lower yourself in garbaggio like Lucky Number Slevin and Code Name: The Cleaner, a movie that you not only acted in but also inexplicably executive-produced. I don’t have much hope for Cashmere Mafia either (I deplore the title, for one thing), but since Darren Star created one of the best high school series of all time and your new–I hope–star vehicle, I’ll set my TiVo to record anyway.

Let me get to the point. You’re pretty. You’re sorta talented. You’re smart for an actor. And you’re soooooooo nice and professional by all reports. Why aren’t you making better movie choices? I would love to see you in an indie movie where you don’t wear makeup or tight leather skirts. I would love to see you in…sweaters. Doing really banal stuff like driving a Honda or vacuuming or eating ice cream in bed. Could you make it through 120 minutes without squinting evilly at someone? Could you play a normal person for once instead of a killer or a killer bitch? How about playing a liuser? How about a person with, like, real problems?

Cuz you do have a problem, and if this show don’t fly, it’s going to get a whole lot worse.

rooting for you and I really don’t know why,


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