Dear Liuser

August 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Lucy,

I’m writing to you because, frankly, I’m worried. You haven’t made a good movie in four years, and that’s me being gracious and counting Charlie’s 2. I did like your killer cameo in Kill Bill 1, but it pained me to see you lower yourself in garbaggio like Lucky Number Slevin and Code Name: The Cleaner, a movie that you not only acted in but also inexplicably executive-produced. I don’t have much hope for Cashmere Mafia either (I deplore the title, for one thing), but since Darren Star created one of the best high school series of all time and your new–I hope–star vehicle, I’ll set my TiVo to record anyway.

Let me get to the point. You’re pretty. You’re sorta talented. You’re smart for an actor. And you’re soooooooo nice and professional by all reports. Why aren’t you making better movie choices? I would love to see you in an indie movie where you don’t wear makeup or tight leather skirts. I would love to see you in…sweaters. Doing really banal stuff like driving a Honda or vacuuming or eating ice cream in bed. Could you make it through 120 minutes without squinting evilly at someone? Could you play a normal person for once instead of a killer or a killer bitch? How about playing a liuser? How about a person with, like, real problems?

Cuz you do have a problem, and if this show don’t fly, it’s going to get a whole lot worse.

rooting for you and I really don’t know why,
Jen

Source

Filed under: , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!