I like you. I don’t know why. Maybe because you have perfect hair. It’s always so shiny and lush. And if you weren’t so nice-seeming, I’d have to hate you or wish that you never lost that baby weight, which you did so splendidly and at your own pace. I think I watched one too many seasons of Alias, even after it became a demented, half-assed rip-off of The Da Vinci Code, which didn’t make much sense neithuh, only because of you and your relentlessly dimply smile.
But you clearly didn’t get the memo I sent out re: Buddhist Prayer Hands. That’s one strike against you. The other strike is that you’re married to Affleck, a fact I’m willing to forgive if you stop this immediately.
you’re racially dragging me down but I’m a sort of forgiving person,
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