The Domino Effect

July 24th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Lindsay Lohan was loathsome.

Not during Mean Girls–no, in Mean Girls she was wonderful. And through that whole chubby period, even during the creepy Wilmer Valderrema stage. Nope, it happened somewhere between Herbie: Fully Loaded and Hyde and Malibu and Teddy’s and a giant, Kilamanjaro-sized pile of coke. I started to hate her.

It seemed like the last straw when Lindsay didn’t show up for Jen’s SHAMEXCHANGE PROGRAM.

And. Then. Came:

Lohan’s ’07 Mug Shot: Driving not so good, hair great, skin terrible, eyes sad.

Suddenly, for the first time EVER, I started to feel bad for the poor girl. Why is her life tumbling down in a movie-like downhill spiral? Why does it seem like nobody actually loves her? Why is she snorting her sadness away instead of working it out with a proper therapist? Jesus, why isn’t there a friend out there willing to AT LEAST HOLD HER STASH OF BLOW FOR HER?

I wanted to reach out to her. I wanted to offer her kindness and big sisterhood.

And then…

As a result of Lohan’s arrest, she was forced to bail on her Tonight Show appearance this evening, and in her stead DISGRASIAN veteran Rob Schneider will fill up the dead air by trading bad jokes with Jay Leno.

Though he has promised to impersonate Lindsay during his interview, chances are he’ll be spending most of his time plugging his Ching-Chong Minister character from the film I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry (which, if I can bring myself to sit through this GLAAD-approved pile of comedy dung without retching, will probably end up on DISGRASIAN next week).

Schneider, GLAAD, Chuck, Larry, Leno. All at once.

Now I’m mad at the bitch all over again.

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