SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Joe Suck

July 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I’ve always thought that baseball announcer Joe Buck was wood. Or a robot. Or a wooden robot. So bland I couldn’t give two shits. But after the All-Star Game Tuesday, which Buck and Tim McCarver announced, I find Buck far more sinister.

“Does Cialis count as a performance-enhancing drug? If so, I’ma guilty!”

In the bottom of the fourth, after interviewing Barry Bonds, who is four homers shy of Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record, Buck basically exonerated the steroidal slugger from any wrongdoing vis-a-vis performance-enhancing drugs with the following doublespeak statements:

“The public has realized that they’re going to have to tolerate a certain level of suspicion when it comes to sports, all sports, not just baseball…”

“We’re never going to know…who was doing what when.”

“This is going to be a cat-and-mouse game and a wild goose chase from now until the end of time.”

“Baseball is doing all it can to test…for the drugs that can be tested for, but…if there’s no known test for HGH (Human Growth Hormone), this is not a baseball problem, this is a problem for all sports, period.”

“There are always going to be guys who try to beat the system in all sports.”

So that’s it, huh? We’re just supposed to throw up our hands at rampant drug use in sports? Because there’s no consequence to it, other than athletes breaking records and making fans happy, right?

Oh. I guess not.

Click here for full story on why performance-enhancing drugs suck.

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