You are currently browsing the archives for July, 2007
Do We Offend?
So the big Rush Hour 3 premiere bash happened last night, beginning at Mann’s Chinese Theater (of course). I’m sure you’ve been looking for us in the screening and after party photos…
Are we… here?
Nope, just the Fat guy.What about… here?
Nuh uh, not here either. But hee hee! Rook at how tinyJackie and other rittle people rookey next to big tall man!
Okay then, what about… here?
Sadly, no. This photo contains only DISGRASIANS,one of which apparently still has trouble understanding Chingrish.
Well gosh, maybe the guest list was just really tight at this event. Strictly A-list. Only true artists, visionaries, pioneers of the industry, that sort of thing.
Oh wait, there’s that putrid waste of human flesh, and she’s talking to a living, breathing, jump-kicking cartoon.
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I’ll admit it. We weren’t invited. Maybe we weren’t important enough. Maybe there was too much to write about. Maybe they were scared to have us there.
Or maybe we just had something better to do:
…like catching up on our knitting.
…or practicing our math.
Frankly, we really didn’t want to go.
Source: Associated Press
Filed under: Boredom, Brett Fat, Jackie Chan, Lame, Paris Hilton, Premieres, Rush Hour 3, This Party Blows, We'd Rather Watch Porn With Our Parents
Olympoo Poopvenirs
I’m clearly in a scatological frame of mind, as this is my second post today about poop, but this Reuters headline stopped me in my, er, um, tracks: “China seeks profit from panda poo”
This looks like it would make a terrific picture frame!We’d written before about a Chinese factory making paper out of panda poop, but now a wildlife research center in Chengdu is making…Olympic souvenirs.
Researchers at the centre in Chengdu, capital of mountainous Sichuan province, had sculpted photo frames, bookmarks, fans and panda statues out of the 300 tonnes of the stuff produced by 60 giant pandas each year, state media said on Tuesday.
Jing Shimin, assistant to the director of the base, proudly declared that the souvenirs would be relatively odour-free.
Uh, we’ll be the judge of that.
Filed under: Pandas Are Sickeningly Cute, Strange Tales Involving Poop, the Olympics, Weird Chinese Behavior
Study More
Audio Science’s mother Shannyn Sossamon never ceases to amaze me with her ability to know and say nothing about absolutely anything. This was confirmed, once again, by the wandering, pointless interview she gave IESB.net at Comic-Con to promote her new movie, a remake of Japanese Horror Film Chakushin Ari called One Missed Call.
Can somebody please explain to Shannyn that Asian people are smart? And that they spell “Shannon” correctly? Surely there is enough Golden blood running through her brain to do at least that.
Filed under: Asian Horror Movies, At Least She's Thin And Pretty, Audio Science Is Such an Idiotic Hipster Moniker It Makes Me Vomit, Bad Spellers, Comic-Con, Not Smart People, Shannyn Sossamon
BasTARDly
In a sleepless stupor last night, I checked out a bunch of blogs that I normally wouldn’t read. One of these was bastardly.com, a very popular website that is part Maxim, part d-listed. They, like us, have a field day with useless people. Here, for example, is a picture of former beauty queen Shanna Moakler:
Now, here is a typical sampling of bastardly.com photos of Asian women:
In fact, if an Asian person is in the picture at all, but not even the subject of a post, you’ll still find this:
Oh so oliginar, don’t you think?
Tell bastardly.com that is this is bullshit: bastardly.com@gmail.com
Tell their parent company Complex Media that this is bullshit: 917-262-4000
And don’t forget to call Complex Media’s P.R. flak, to tell her that this bullshit: Sherry J. Bitting, 917-262-3111
Source: the cheesedicks who brought you bastardly.com
Filed under: Bastardly Blows, Chinglish is Tired, Ricism for the Lowest Common Denominator, This is Bullshit
Gwen In Her Poop Pants
“Heeeey. Welcome to Sydney, Australia, where I’m on my world tour, raping young girls of their allowances on every continent. Where are my Harajuku Slaves? They’re in their cages resting for tonight’s show. I wish I had the luxury of resting for one minute, but as a working mother, I don’t. That’s why I was thrilled to discover these poop pants. Do you like? They’re perfect when I’m on the go and gotta go. And roomy enough to wear over an adult diaper. I personally am a Poise girl myself. Astronaut strength, baby!”
Filed under: Adult Diapers, Gwen Stefani, Poop Pants, Pooping One's Pants, Wicked Style Biters
How Do You Say "Loser" in Japanese? まけいぬ.
“Soy un perdedor. I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?“The NY Times reports today, “Japan’s governing Liberal Democratic Party suffered a crushing defeat Sunday in the election for the upper house of Parliament, but Prime Minister Shinzo Abe vowed that he would not step down.”
I’d already written a haiku dedicated to Dishonest Abe in anticipation of this occasion:
Good fuckin’ luck as
Japan’s lame-ass duck you suck
donkey-you-know-what.
Still don’t know who Shinzo “Dishonest” Abe is or why he blows?
Click here.
And here.
And, hell, why not here, too.
Filed under: Denial is For Losers, Elections, Even His Own Peeps Think Shinzo Abe is a Supreme Asshole, For Shinzo My Ninzo, Lame Ducks, Make-Inus
Paging Social Services
We’re worried about Angelina Jolie.
There have been tabloid reports that she’s depressed because A Mighty Heart bombed at the box office, that she’s deathly skinny, and that she and Brad are on the skids.
But this is not what worries us. What we’re troubled by is this quote she gave recently about joining the cast of Kung Fu Panda, a Dreamworks animated film due out next year:
“I’m doing Kung Fu Panda. I’m gonna be a hero in my house to my children. I’m the tiger and Jackie Chan’s in it, so I’m so cool.“
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
“Jackie Chan’s in it, so I’m so cool”?!? Holy Mother of Maddox.
Jackie Chan is the King Midas of Excrement–everything he touches turns to poo. You are Angelina Freakin’ Jolie. If your kids can’t get those facts straight, then we’re going to have to stage a DISGRASIANtervention and maybe call in Alec Baldwin to straighten their asses out.
I don’t know what goes on behind Brangelina’s closed doors, but I don’t like it.
Filed under: Angelina Jolie, Asses That Need Straightening Out, Don't Get Me Started on Kung Fu Panda, Jackie Chan, Jackoffs, Uncle Tams
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Olivia Munn
NAME: Olivia Munn
AGE: 25
OCCUPATION: Host of G4′s Attack of the Show, Podcaster, Geek Heroine
WHY SHE RULES: Hot ladies willing to indulge the fantasies of slobbering four-eyed video game/comic book addicts are awesome! Plus she endured the entire 4 days of last week’s Comic-Con with a sweet smile. What’s not to love?
Filed under: Beautiful Ladies, G4, Geek Dreams, Nerds, Olivia Munn, Slobber
Acsian Figures
McFarlane Toys has just released four more Lost action figures, for the characters Sawyer, Mr. Eko, and those hot Koreans, Sun and Jin Kwon.
Sun and Jin Kwon getting some action(all of this dialogue takes place in Korean)
Jin: Sun! Sun! Run! The Others are coming!
Sun: Take a chill pill, Jin. I’m working on my base tan.
Jin: (winded) Base…wha? Sun, seriously. The Others are coming and they’re going to kill us. (beat) Uh, do you mind untying me?
Sun: Yes, but only because I really need you to rub some SPF on my back. Don’t want to burn my first day laying out!
Sun unties Jin’s hands from stick.
Jin: Sun, are you fucking deaf? I said the Others are coming. Like right now.
Sun: Jin. Dude. Ever notice how the Others are ALWAYS coming? I’m over it.
Jin: Yeah, I kinda know what you mean.
Sun: Be a dear and rub this lotion on my back. And don’t forget my neck and shoulders.
Jin rubs sunblock on Sun’s back.
Jin: Will you really teach me English this season so I don’t have to continue my life as a mute?
Sun: Yes, dear. Now don’t forget–neck and shoulders.
Click here if you always wanted Asian dolls as a kid.
Filed under: Action Figures, Daniel Dae Kim, Life as a Mute, Lost, the Others, Yunjin Kim
Redemption
Nine times out of ten, Rob Schneider disappoints us by exhibiting DISGRASIAN behavior.
Example 1: The Hot Chick
Example 2: “Ronnie… The Ron-Meister…Ron-o-rama…”
Example 3: 
But on the tenth try, he actually gets something right…and at last we agree.
After being criticized by Dina “Living Vicariously” Lohan for impersonating her daughter, OOC Hollywood cokehead troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan, on The Tonight Show –Scneider fired back via People.com:
“When Mrs. Lohan stops partying with her child, then I’ll have an ounce of respect for her…”
“Lindsay, get it together, America will forgive you but you gotta do something positive with your life,” Schneider adds. “I hope she does okay but at a certain point, there’s so many bigger problems in the world than Lindsay Lohan.
“I hope she gets her head out of her nice, cute little rear end and finds a life for herself,” says the comic, currently filming with pal Adam Sandler on location in the Hamptons. “She’s very talented, and a special little actress but there are so many people out there who’d trade positions with her in a heartbeat and use it better than she is.”
Good job, Rob! Now what can we do to permanently increase your non-DISGRASIAN percentage? It’s nice to have you on board.
Filed under: Bad Parenting, Dina Lohan Makes Us Hurl, For the Love of God Will Somebody Put Lindsay Lohan In a Crate or Something, Redemption, Rob Schneider
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Nobunari "Out of" Oda
It’s Friday. It’s hot. And our brains are melted after ripping Guitar Hero Rocks the 80′s ’til 3 AM last night. For all those reasons, we had some difficulty coming up with the DOTW and were just about to disgrace ourselves when Diana found this gem on Yahoo! News, via Reuters:
“Drink driving”? Really? Were the Reuters copy editors playing the new GH all night, too?
But it gets better.
A Japanese figure skater descended from the mighty 16th century warlord Nobunaga Oda has been pulled over for suspected drink-driving — on a moped.
Nobunaga “Na Eva Ride A Moped” Oda
Nobunari Oda, the figure skater, reportedly gave a “tearful” press conference today, saying:
“Usually I have my mother come pick me up when I am drinking, but I didn’t have my mobile phone.”
Mama’s BoyOda. Dude. Your excuse for drink-driving is that you didn’t have a phone on you? And no one you were with had one that you could borrow? In Japan?
Also, ever heard of a cab?
A little less jazz hands, and a little more common sense are definitely in oda for you, Nobunari.
Filed under: Bad Copy Editing, Drink Driving, Figure Skating, Mama's Boys, Mopeds Are Stupid, Nobunari Oda, TGIF
Bad Influence
Hmm, that’s bizarre. A tribe of matching Asian girls dancing mindlessly popped up in España band Dover’s video for “Keep On Moving.” I can’t imagine why.
Maybe they’ve been taking a cue from a little slaveholder somebody we know:
Just a thought!
Filed under: Bad Influences, Disgraceful Music Videos, Dover, Gwen Stefani, We Don't All Dress Alike and Dance in Sync--Not All The Time Anyway, Yellow Slavery
