Robot: Ahem. Can I get everyone’s attention, please? I would like to propose a toast to the beautiful bride and the groom, my creator and friend, Seok Gyeong-Jae.
Groom: Thank you. Everyone, give it up for Tiro the Robot. We’re making history today, as this is the first time a robot has ever hosted a wedding.
(Wedding guests clap.)
Robot: Aw shucks, man. It’s a real honor. I just wanted to tell everybody that the first time I met the bride, I knew that these two were a match made in heaven.
Bride: That is so sweet.
Robot: Seok and I were out at a bar–cuz the dude is and always will be my wingman, right, Seok? Punch it in, brah!
(Robot and Groom fist-knock. Bride raises an eyebrow.)
Anywho, we were at this bar, and this smokin’ hot babe walks in with her girlfriends, and I was, like, Seok, did you see the pair of ti–
Groom: Er, I think it’s time to cut the cake!
Robot: And he was, like, duuuuuude, I wouldn’t mind tapping that a–
Bride: (yelling) Who wants CHAMPAGNE?
Robot: Which didn’t prove so difficult in the end, as our blushing bride here turned out to be a big-time sl–
Bride: Will someone fucking get me a bucket of water or something to throw on this thing?
Robot: Thing? How incredibly offensive. I’m not a thing. I am capable of at least 436 emotions–
Bride: (to Groom) Brilliant idea, by the way. Really genius.
Robot: Seok, buddy. Don’t say I never warned you that she was a C-U-Next-Tues–
(Groom reaches over and pulls the plug on Tiro the Robot.)
Groom: That concludes our toasts for the evening! (to Wedding Photographer) Please take the picture while I am still living and breathing.
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