The Three R’s

June 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“I have no idea what this bag says or anything coming out of my mouth, for that matter.”

Cameron Diaz apologized this week after being snapped in Machu Picchu, Peru, carrying a bag with a red star on it that read “Serve the People” in Chinese. The slogan was one of Mao Zedong’s most famous proletariat–and utterly hypocritical–rallying cries. Maoist Peruvian rebels known as the Shining Path fought their government in the 80′s and 90′s and killed an estimated 70,000 people.


If I thought Cammy didn’t fully resemble the airhead character assASSination Suckfia Coppola made of her in Lost in Translation–the only thing about that movie that didn’t reek–I would write her a letter. But I’m pretty sure Cammy can’t read, which is why I’m here to review the fundamentals of learning, also known as the three R’s: Reading,’Riting, and ‘Rithmetic.

Rule #1: Reading
If you cain’t read it, don’t wear it.

“Y’all I cain’t read this! Does it say chicken or tuna? My head hurts!”

Rule #2: ‘Riting
If you cain’t read it, don’t ‘rite it down. On your body. Permanently.

Remember when Britney got a tattoo that she thought was Chinese for “mysterious” but, instead, it turned out to be “strange”? Wow. What a sign of things to come.

Rule #3: ‘Rithmetic
If you cain’t count the number of people your favorite dictator has had killed, don’t hang him in your living room.

The price this Warhol fetched at auction in 2006 = $17.4 million
The number of people who died under Mao’s rule during the Great Leap Forward = 30 million
The ratio of deaths to dollars = 1.72 to 1

Lesson learned? Racial drag is for retards.

Class diss-missed!

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