THE INSANITY BAROMETER

June 13th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This week, Vanessa Minnillo, formerly of MTV’s TRL, debuted a new line of cosmetics called Flirt. Here she is at the launch party:

I’m Betty Boop!

I’m going to eat you!

I’m going to eat you and fifty hot dogs at the same time!

Oh my god! The mannequin just farted!

Wowzers. Not only has the Insanity Barometer gone up, up, up, it’s shattered into a million pieces, and I’m eating broken glass off of the floor. As I snack on this dee-licious lunch, I thought I would write Va-mess-a a letter.

Dear Va-mess-a,

I am writing today out of concern for your mental health. Forgive me for being forward, but what the hell is wrong with you? I guess I should be happy that, in the above photos, no one’s holding a knife to your throat. Are you experiencing problems in your home life? We at DISGRASIAN are well-aware of how your boy Nick can render a girl batshit-crazy.

We also know of your, um, proclivity for crazyfaces.

I have a theory about why you seem to always take wack pictures. Stop me if you think I’m overthinking this. As a former beauty queen, who had to, no doubt, endure the humiliasian of taping your butt cheeks and putting Vaseline on your teeth to maintain that creepy pageant-smile, perhaps you’re finished with impressing other people with your looks. I respect that. You’re done with the Beauty Myth, the Feminine Mystique, and yada yada, and have moved on to posing with crazyfaces, because you want the world to see the REAL YOU and appreciate you for your mind, your critical faculties, your intelligence–

Wait a second. You’re Vanessa Minnillo. I am overthinking this.

On second thought, you’re nuts.

all the best,
Jen

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