Seeing this Japanese commercial for kids’ beer (non-alcoholic, and apparently fruit-flavored), I realize that my parents really didn’t love me enough as a child. If they did, they would have worked much harder to bring me this moment of satisfaction much, much sooner:
I, sadly, was forced to wait until my junior year in high school before I made that joyous, frothy face. WHY DIDN’T MY PARENTS LOVE ME ENOUGH TO BRING ME BEER-GUZZLING SATISFACTION?
Y’know what, while I’m at it, WOULD IT HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR MY “LOVING PARENTS” TO BUY ME A TOY RED CORVETTE SO I COULD HAVE BEEN THE BADDEST BAD ASS ON THE PLAYGROUND? How much could it have cost? How hard could it have been? Why were they making a career out of denying me joy?
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