Puo Puo Says

June 6th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Puo Puo is wise. Puo Puo is all-knowing. Puo Puo could needlepoint you under a table and make a gross of wontons with one hand tied behind her back, not to mention clean your clock in mah-jong. Puo Puo has seen it all in her 80+ years of life–famine, death, war, and peace. And now, DISGRASIAN is honored to introduce Puo Puo as…our new political analyst!

Take it away, Puo Puo!

“Oh, thank you, my little treasures, for such a wonderful introduction. I am just an old woman who never went to college and my mind isn’t what it used to be. I could hide a nickel in my face with all these wrinkles. I really know nothing about politics, but I’ve always got two cents in my pocket!”

“My granddaughters have tried to make this job easier by giving me a rating system of what I believe are happy faces. I can’t see so well even with my glasses, but aren’t they adorable?”


“I’ll begin with Ju Li An Yi, as I was always taught to respect my elders. I hear that he has had three wives. My grandfather had three wives, and my grandmother–his 3rd–was the favorite, of course. She was a great beauty, and the other two were absolute, well, no matter. Having many wives is not such a bad thing in Puo Puo’s book. But two divorces? So shameful. Also what is shameful? Ju Li An Yi’s disownment of his only son–cluck, cluck–although Puo Puo has disowned a son or two in her time. Puo Puo supports Ju Li An Yi’s opinion on women’s rights, but not his chipmunk teeth.”

Puo Puo’s verdict:

“Puo Puo loves a woman who speaks her mind. But a woman who changes her mind like a current in the Yangtze? This is a problem. First she says she doesn’t bake cookies, then she says she does. Yes to war, then no. I wonder if Hee La Ree even knows how to bake a cookie. Hee La Ree’s cookies would surely be no match to Puo Puo’s, which are A Number One The Best. You’ll have to excuse me–in my dotage, I have taken to boasting. Very shameful, I know. Puo Puo believes Hee La Ree’s mind is as sharp as any man’s, now if she would only get rid of that mannish haircut.”

Puo Puo’s verdict:

“As you can see, Puo Puo hates to pick a winner. I’ll leave those decisions to you smart little ones. But come visit again soon–next time, I’ll make scallion pancake. Zai Jian!

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