Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

June 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer Bai Ling recently told World Entertainment News Network that she would not “stop stripping.” The professional nuddhist was quoted as saying, “I believe the human body is basically a gift. It needs to be cherished, respected and celebrated. I love being naked. I think it’s the human mind that is dirty not the body.”

“Wanna see me touch myself? You’re dirty.”

“Like my see-through shirt? You disgust me.”

“Want some boobie action? I find you completely repugnant.”

“Into bondage? Fuck you, pig!”
“I like to lick phallic-shaped objects. If you think that symbolizes anything, you make me sick.”

You’re so right, Bai. It’s not you, it’s us. It’s as though you’ve removed the dirty scales over our eyes and now we can finally see. Hallelujah! Praise Nuddha! Diana and I would like to offer our sincerest apologies and regrets for besmirching your purity and sullying your cherishment, respectation, and celebratonomy in the past. We promise to be more clean and chaste in the future, although I fear we’ll never achieve your unadulterated and enlightened state of being. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and flog away the dark stain on my soul.

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