You’re Bloggin’ Me Down

May 8th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Dear John, author of the blog Got Rice?:

Jen and I were so excited when we saw that there was a website called “Got Rice?”… quite frankly, the answer was and is YES. We were like, “Woohoo! Is it crispy rice? Is it short grain? Is it brown?” We love it all. Mmm. So we checked you out.

First off, your logline kinda sucks: “Not your mama’s expat?” Oof. That doesn”t make any sense– but whatever, a logline is hard to come up with (and not everybody can use “You’re a Disgrace. To the Race.”). Regardless, Got Rice? has promise.

Wow… about you? You have the sentence structure of a second grader. You sound like a nerd. Please let “Asian female form :) ” refer to porcelain statues of female Chinese warriors from the early 20th century. Please…

Oh my GOD! You didn’t mean porcelain statues of female Chinese warriors from the early 20th century!!! You have a RUNNING LIST OF HALF NAKED “ASIAN BEAUTIES” ON YOUR BORING-ASS BLOG. You have moved to China to trick some sad, unassuming woman with no grasp of English to give you your first hand job, hoping she won’t notice that your sad, shriveled boyhood is no bigger than a Sharpie. Ugh! You BLOW. You’re BORING. You’re LAME.

Good gracious, John. The next time you promise “rice” and don’t deliver, you’re gonna get a little something from me, and it’s gonna taste like knuckle sandwich.

Talk soon! K.I.T.

xoxo,
Diana

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