SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN
The Sports Round-up for Round-Eyes, Slant-Eyes, and Everyone In-Between
1. Lost in Translasian
Ching-Chong O’Neal made his debut last night on TNT’s post-game show, Inside the NBA. Apparently, we’re not the only ones who think that everything coming out of his mouth is inscrutable.
2. Cuz Tramps Like Us, Baby We Were Born to Run
After the Houston Rockets were eliminated from the playoffs last week, Yao Ming expressed a desire to train with retired Rockets center Hakeem Olajuwon in the off-season. No disrepect to the Dream, his two championship rings, and Phi Slamma Jamma, but, as a long-suffering Rockets fan, I must reiterate…Yao Ming’s off-season priorities in the twilight of dominant-center basketball? Running. With. Cheetahs.
3. Being Japanese Means Wearing a Dishtowel on Your Head
Great news for your Inner Samurai: Red Sox pitcher Daisuke “Sir Dice-A-Lot” Matsuzaka pitched his first complete game this week, silencing critics who think the Japanese ace’s stuff may not live up to the hype.
4. Big (Cheap) Shot Bob
During Game 4 last night between the San Antonio Spurs and the Phoenix Suns, Robert “Big Shot Bob” Horry leveled Steve Nash on a fastbreak, knocking the Canadian point guard into the scorers’ table. Horry was ejected and suspended 2 games for the hit.
Oh, Bob. I’ve loved you, I’ve hated you, and I’m pretty sure we’re in a one-sided abusive relationship. (You abuse, I hurt, you have no idea.)
Your uncanny ability to do nothing through 3 1/2 quarters while looking completely baked, only to drain a three-pointer late in the 4th to win, will baffle mankind for all eternity. How is it that you have as many championship rings as MJ? How is it that you make over $3 mil a year when you play about 6 minutes a game? Do you have mad skillz or are you just the luckiest bastard on earth?
Source: TNT Source Source Source
Filed under: Cheetahs, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Gibberish, Lucky Bastards, Robert Horry, Samurai Head Gear, Shaquille "Ching Chong" O'Neal, Suspensions, Yao Ming
