DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK!

May 25th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I’m sure most of you know by now that Bai Ling had a nip slip this week at Cannes. Which means the time has come for me to write Buh Bai a letter.

Dear Bai,

When did you become so derivative–of yourself? When did you, as they say in TV, jump the nipple shark? How did you get on this nipslippery slope?

Don’t you realize what this could do to career? Just ask Tara “Reid My Nips.”
One day they love you in all of your slippage glory, and the next, your nipslippreciation club has moved on to bigger horiznips: “Yawn. Show me a nip that hasn’t slipped, and I’ll show you an asshole that’s never crapped.”

Look at these pictures, Buh Bai. Tell me this isn’t the sad, silent movie of your life:

“Not so fast, pap. You know the drill.”

“Ah. Now I’m ready for my close-up.”

“Check me out. 45 years young and still slippin’!”

“What? What am I doing wrong? These are supposed to be klassy pictures?”

“Oh.”

“Better? No? Not really?”

Here’s my plan of action for you. Go put on Bon Jovi’s Nipslippery When Wet, which I’m pretty sure you own on vinyl. Wipe it down with disinfectant. Fast forward to “Nippin’ on a Prayer.” Get pumped and go out and buy a bra. Put it on. Whoa. You’re halfway there.

Advice from a Friend,
Jen

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