You are currently browsing the archives for May, 2007

It Hurts


Reuters has reported that a 77 year-old Chinese woman recently discovered a bullet that has been lodged in her head for 64 years. It is believed to be a remnant from when she was shot by Japanese soldiers during World War II.

“Jin Guangying, now 77, lost consciousness after a Japanese patrol in Jiangsu province fired on her in 1943 as she went to meet her grandfather, a guerrilla fighter, the Beijing News said.

‘When she came to, her head was wrapped in a bandage and she never realized there was a bullet lodged deep in her head,’ the paper said.

Later, she would regularly have headaches, foam at the mouth and ‘talk nonsense… like she had gone mad,’ the paper said.

Jin’s family had thought her symptoms were due to a tumor, the paper said, quoting Wang Zhengping, the woman’s daughter.

‘Because our family was poor, we were never able to have her taken for a thorough check-up,’ Wang said.”

Nothing funny about this–what a sad reminder of some of our darkest, most DISGRASIAN days.

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Politasians

Senator Hillary Clinton, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and some fat slob

Rush Hour 3 hack no-talent blubberball starfucker cheesedick ree-ree triple-chin Cialis-addict jagoff fucktard jizzwad skid mark boogereater assface lame-o shit-for-brains brown-noser wanker asswich douche butt-cheese cuntbag dungpile cockweed hemorrhoid goatfucker auteur Brett Fatner hosted a “Young Hollywood” party for Senator Hillary Clinton this week. Mayor Villaraigosa showed, as did much of young Hollywood.

The Pivert (age 42)

Fashion photographer Patrick Demarchelier (age 64) and the legendary Quincy Jones (age 74)

Former NYPD Blue star Sharon Lawrence (age 99)

Well, that settles it. I pretty much know who I’m voting for in ’08. His name rhymes with “Yo Mama.” I guess I should thank you, Brett Fat, for helping me make these kinds of tough decisions.

the RZA: I’m with Stoopid


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Tacky Tubs

An 18-karat gold bathtub was stolen this week from the Kominato Hotel Mikazuki, south of Tokyo. The tub is reportedly worth a milsky and weighs 176 lbs.

Who the hay would want a million-dollar GOLD tub? It’s so gold. So tacky. So useless.

Wait a minute…

…I believe I’ve stumbled upon its first black-market buyer.

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R.I.P. Xiang Xiang

Xiang Xiang (“auspicious” in Chinese), the first giant panda released in the wild after being raised in captivity, has died. It is believed that the cuddly thing may have been trying to elude a band of wild pandas before his death. The AP reports:

The first panda to be released into bamboo forests after being bred in captivity has died, and a Chinese nature preserve official said Thursday it may have fallen from trees while being chased by wild pandas.

The body of Xiang Xiang was found Feb. 19 on snow-covered ground in the forests of Sichuan province in China’s southwest, the Xinhua News Agency said. He survived less than a year in the wild after nearly three years of training in survival techniques and defense tactics.

“Xiang Xiang died of serious internal injuries in the left side of his chest and stomach by falling from a high place,” Heng Yi, an official from the Wolong Giant Panda Research Center in Sichuan, said in a telephone interview.

“The scratches and other minor injuries caused by other wild pandas were found on his body,” he said. “So Xiang Xiang may have fallen from trees when being chased by those pandas.”

Xiang Xiang, not so auspicious

MURDERERS!

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Karaoke Discriminasian?

CMT will be earing a very special episode of their series Born Country tonight… KARAOKE MOMS:

WAAAAAAIIT A MINUTE… What? Where is my mom? Why was she left out of this!?!?!?!?!?! She does the most amazing version of “The Rose!” And for the record, we blow it out of the fuckin’ park when we duet on “Islands In the Stream.”

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

Name: Teresa Cheung

Age: 44

Occupation: Hong Kong Socialite, actress, writer, luxury item peddler

Here’s the thing: I may have a bias against socialites and those who have listed “Best Dressed” and “Most Desirable Body” in their official bio as the notable awards they’ve received, but when a woman looks that good at 44, we’ve gotta cut her a break. Pass the Anti-Asian cream!!!

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When Worlds Collide

Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko of Japan exchange presents with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip at Buckingham Palace

The Queen: Oh, erhm, hmmm. It’s, erhm…

Prince Philip: A box?

Empress Michiko: Yes. It is a late 19th century makie lacquer box with mother-of-pearl inlay.

Prince Philip: Did someone say lay?

The Queen: Mmm…well…

Emperor Akihito: I believe Her Majesty the Empress said inlay.

Prince Philip: You say it’s a box, old boy?

Emperor Akihito: Generally people address me as “Heavenly Ruler.”

Prince Philip: You say it’s a bento box, do you?

The Queen: Oh…erhm…why…

Emperor Akihito: (long sigh)

Prince Philip: And it’s filled with raw fish? Oh, how I do love fish.

Empress Michiko: Actually, it is a box used traditionally to hold a Buddhist prayer book.

Prince Philip: I’m simply mad for fish. I could eat the bloody things all day, every day. There’s nothing quite like putting one’s face into a fresh…fish. Ffff-ishhh. Why, I could practically eat the word. Num Num-nummy.

Empress Michiko: It is not filled with fish.

Emperor Akihito: Just take the picture.

The Queen: Lovely, erhm, just lovely.

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN

The NBA playoffs just got a lot more interesting, now that Cleveland has pulled even in their series against Detroit, and LeBron James has finally woken up to the fact that he is a scorer, not a passer. Plus, I dig that the dude’s learning Mandarin.

But who I’m REALLY fascinated by in this series is power forward Drew Gooden, pictured on the left high-fiving James. Gooden, who is half African-American, half-Finnish, scored 19 points in the Cavs’ Game 4 win (hard to believe that I’m writing “Cavs” and “win” in the same sentence).

But I could care less about Gooden’s point-scoring prowess. It’s this part of his game that I find riveting:

I am not alone. The following question was posed to Yahoo! 7 Answers three days ago:

Only 5 answers have been submitted so far. But the fifth is the best.

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ROCK OF ASIAN

Fun, flirty and fierce THE LADY TIGRA (formerly of hip-pop duo L’Trimm) just released this adorable bubble-gum ode to the yumminess that is Pinkberry.

Click here to listen, and be sure to rock it on your ipod while ordering a green tea-flavored small cup covered with kiwi, mochi, and fruity pebbles!

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Blast From the Past! Global Commercializasian

Today’s history lesson:
The hip street term “bling baby” actually originated in a 1960s Jello ad. Suplise!!!

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Dogs Are Friends, Not Dinner

Yesterday, gonzo artist and animal activist Mark McGowan ate a minced-and-seasoned Corgi, (Queen Elizabeth’s dog of choice) live on the radio in protest of Her Majesty’s fox hunt. Yoko Ono happened to be on board as well, and took a bite of the naturally-deceased pup to aid the fight.

1) Eww.

2) Was Her Majesty listening?

3) Thanks, Yoko.

4) Fox hunting is certainly tired.

5) Dog eating, Mark? Take it from me, you have opened yourself up to a lifetime of highly exhausting jokes. I do not envy you.

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I’m With the Canary Eater

Page Six reports:


SEE, “Joe” Perry?? (By the way–nice job, Page Six… I smell a Journey fan in the copyediting room) DO YOU SEE HOW EASY IT COULD HAVE BEEN TO AVOID THE APOCOLYPSE?

“Somewhat” only “somewhat” conveys just how embarassing that wretched scene was. It’s been burned into my brain and you will likely never be forgiven.

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