Master Kingston Speaks!

April 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Hello, MATES! Master Kingston here, reporting from MUM’S arms…what’s that, pardon? Why, yes, I AM speaking with a British accent! I learned it from Mum’s sperm donor, perhaps you’ve heard of him, Gavin Rossdale? Oh no? Erhm, really? Ah, well, never mind, he’s a bit of a WANKER anyhow. Moving on…

MUM and I are about to go on tour, and I’m just OVER THE MOON about it. We’ll be spending LOADS of time together. She’ll trot me out occasionally for calculated photo-ops that make her seem less like a SOCIOPATHICALLY SELF-ABSORBED BITCH and I’ll work assiduously on developing my OEDIPAL COMPLEX further! Woo-hoo–I’m squeezing booby as we speak!

What I’m secretly most excited about, however, is that our JAPANESE SLAVES will be joining us. Mum keeps them in gilded cages like…PETS! Aren’t they lovely trinkets? I haven’t decided on names for them yet, but Mum says it doesn’t matter because we’ll never be able to TELL THEM APART…BLIMEY!

Speaking of the little YELLOW DEVILS…they’ve just arrived to style our hair for the 8th time today. Like my new fauxhawk? Mum’s afraid people will think she’s RIPPING OFF Angelina. But she’s got to face facts–she’s simply the most BRILLIANT RIPOFF ARTIST ON THE PLANET. Brilliant. Oh and look here, the Ornamentals have brought tea and scones. Lovely to chat, but I must say TA FOR NOW!”

Source: Sweet Escape video

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