Master Kingston Speaks!

April 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“Hello, MATES! Master Kingston here, reporting from MUM’S arms…what’s that, pardon? Why, yes, I AM speaking with a British accent! I learned it from Mum’s sperm donor, perhaps you’ve heard of him, Gavin Rossdale? Oh no? Erhm, really? Ah, well, never mind, he’s a bit of a WANKER anyhow. Moving on…

MUM and I are about to go on tour, and I’m just OVER THE MOON about it. We’ll be spending LOADS of time together. She’ll trot me out occasionally for calculated photo-ops that make her seem less like a SOCIOPATHICALLY SELF-ABSORBED BITCH and I’ll work assiduously on developing my OEDIPAL COMPLEX further! Woo-hoo–I’m squeezing booby as we speak!

What I’m secretly most excited about, however, is that our JAPANESE SLAVES will be joining us. Mum keeps them in gilded cages like…PETS! Aren’t they lovely trinkets? I haven’t decided on names for them yet, but Mum says it doesn’t matter because we’ll never be able to TELL THEM APART…BLIMEY!

Speaking of the little YELLOW DEVILS…they’ve just arrived to style our hair for the 8th time today. Like my new fauxhawk? Mum’s afraid people will think she’s RIPPING OFF Angelina. But she’s got to face facts–she’s simply the most BRILLIANT RIPOFF ARTIST ON THE PLANET. Brilliant. Oh and look here, the Ornamentals have brought tea and scones. Lovely to chat, but I must say TA FOR NOW!”

Source
Source: Sweet Escape video

Filed under: , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

karatekid

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 5: Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

April 26th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Not all martials arts movies look same.

The cast of HBO's 'Girls'

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 4: Was The HBO ‘Girls’ Controversy About Racism Or Sexism?

April 25th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Girl talk.

Peter-Beste9

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 3, aka Hump Day: What To Do When Your Friend Likes Racist Music

April 24th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Should you dump a friend who likes racist stuff?

office space

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 2: Workplace Segregation + A Little History Lesson

April 23rd, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Don’t hate, integrate.

I was trying to give Andrew bunny ears, but I ended up throwing an Asian peace sign instead. Yo, I think that's racist.

Yo, Is This Racist? Podcast f/t DISGRASIAN Day 1: Natural Hair

April 22nd, 2013 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Wherein we take all of your racist questions. (Some of them, anyway.)

Photo by Lee-Jin Man/AP

Creepy Photo Of S. Korean Soldier Wielding Machine Gun In Front Of Laughing Children Kinda Sums Up Where We Are At This Juncture

April 18th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Peace.

2013-03-29-01-01

If North Korea Attacks Us, I Have Just One Favor To Ask God

April 5th, 2013 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

North Korea is so hot right now.

Screen Shot 2013-02-28 at 11.22.12 AM

Michelle Malkin Desperately Wants To Be Michelle Obama

February 28th, 2013 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Wannabe.

Screen Shot 2012-12-05 at 2.52.57 PM

Penn State Sorority Girls Will Work For Weed & Beer

December 5th, 2012 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Viva racism!

bfbutt

Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian: The Ass Pants & Butt-Rubbing Edition

November 30th, 2012 | 1 comment | Posted by jasmine

We here at DISGRASIAN™ are going to use our buying power to buy as many Samsung butt-rubbed phones as we can.

ama_psy_and_hammer_this_one_0

Things I Thought I’d Never See: A Dude Rapping In Korean At The American Music Awards

November 19th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Gangnam Time? Hammer Style?

dj-twinkie2-blog480

RIP Twinkies, RIP Name Asians Like To Call Other Asians Who Are Less Asian Than They Are

November 16th, 2012 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

How are we going to insult one another now?!