BRETT RATNER: I can’t believe Sheila Nevins actually funded my Helmut Newton doc!
COURTNEY LOVE: If Helmut was still alive, I would have loved to pose nude for him.
BOB EVANS: We could be called, “The Plastic Surgery Victims,” or um, “The ScaryFaces.”
BRETT RATNER: I mean, I AM the genius behind Rush Hours 1 and 2… do you remember how Chris Tucker said, “I don’t understand…a word.. you are saying” to that funny Chinaman? That shit was me! All me.
BOB EVANS: I can’t even feel my own nose.
COURTNEY LOVE: Me neither.
BOB EVANS: Court, I don’t know if you know this, but your left cheek is falling off.
COURTNEY LOVE: That’s not true! That’s just paparazzi photos! They make you look worse than you are!
BOB EVANS: But I’m standing right next to you.
COURTNEY LOVE: Uh… Ehrm… Oh! I know… we should call ourselves “The Helmut Newtons.”
BOB EVANS: Brilliant! Brett, how on earth did you get Sheila to make this film? I’m not questioning your ability or anything, but you did ruin the X-Men movie empire, and that’s hard to do.
BRETT RATNER: Bryan Singer is a hack. He puts too much emotion and sense into his films. People loved X3. Everything blew up.
BOB EVANS: Is it true you wanted to change the name of the movie to “Brett Ratner’s X-Men Movie with Many Explosions?”
BRETT RATNER: It’s Brett Rat.
BOB EVANS: What’s that?
BRETT RATNER: Brett Rat.
BOB EVANS: …
COURTNEY LOVE: Do you have any coke, Rat?
BRETT RATNER: Courtney, I think your cheek is falling off. You should probably fix it before we screen my film.
COURTNEY LOVE: What film?
BRETT RATNER: My Helmut Newton doc.
COURTNEY LOVE: Whoa… They let you shoot a documentary?
BRETT RATNER: Wait. How did you get in here? Get her out of here. She wears fake Chanel.
BOB EVANS: Helmet Newton? Wait! I knew a Helmut Newton. What’s your name again?
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