Heroes returns to NBC tonight after a bullshit hiatus, which I thought only happened at the end of television season in May. Whatever.
Let’s say his name all together like a mantra–Sendhil Ramamurthy. Sendhil Ramamurthy. Sendhil Ramamurthy.
If you can say or spell “Gyllenhaal,” you can say “Ramamurthy,” right?
Okay, now look at this man.
Now let me ask you, dear reader, why is Mohinder, Sendhil’s character, the only man–other than Hiro, obviously 100% bone-proof–who hasn’t been boning on the show?
Despite being a midget, sporting a dyke haircut, and having a bottom lip that has clearly had a stroke, Peter Petrelli…is the Mack Daddy Boner of this hit series.
Despite being married to a wheelchair-bound wife and running for public office–which makes Peter’s older brother extremely cautious in his every move–Nathan Petrelli has still found time to bone outside of his marriage.
Despite being a heroin addict and painting really depressing paintings of the future, Isaac Mendez was having a bone-a-thon until his girlfriend left him for another boner, Peter Petrelli. These two boners then accidentally killed their girlfriend while having a “my bone is bigger than your bone” contest.
Despite the fact that his ex-wife, who is schizo, shot him while she was her “evil” self, D.L. Hawkins is not only still boning her but, unbeknownst to him, boning her evil self!
Greg Grunberg was the highlight of one of my favorite shows of all time, Felicity. Whenever I see him onscreen, I spontaneously sing “o way o wah, o way o wah, o way o waaaaah” and scare the people I’m with. That said, Grunberg’s character in Heroes, Matt Parker, is a cuckold. Yet despite the fact that Matt Parker is a cuckold, and that his girlfriend cheated on him with a raging asshole because Parker is fat and unsuccessful, and that Parker can read his girlfriend’s mind, which is often filled with negative thoughts about him being fat and unsuccessful, the girlfriend is now pregnant, which can only mean…Matt Parker has been Grun-boning away.
My predictions for who breaks their boning cherry next? Not Mohinder. Certainly not Hiro.
It’s either the 10 year-old (left) whose gift is taking money out of ATMs without a card, or the cheerleader’s gay best friend (right), who has a penchant for emo and eyeliner. Cuz that makes all the sense in the world, don’t it?
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