Bite Me, Limited Edasians

April 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

2006 CFDA (Council of Fashion Designers of America) award winners Doo.Ri, Thakoon, and Rodarte have all collaborated with Crap Gap to design “fresh new takes on the classic white shirt” in LIMITED EDITION. I guess I should be thrilled that the K.W.A.–Khakis With Attitude–campaign is over and just shut it. But this fashion designer-meets-sweatshop clothing distributor phenomenon is one of my greatest pet peeves.

Thakoon, right, with a model who’s not wearing Crap, at the Vogue/Crap party

Here’s how this shit always goes down:

1) “OMG. (Insert esteemed fashion designer) is doing a line for (insert Crap-like clothing distributor)? I bet there’s something cute and cheap pour moi!” you say, broke and a slave to fashion.

2) Go to website of said Crap-clothing distributor or the Crap store itself, which is mobbed by feral women desperate for a bargain and a bitchfight.

3) Discover that all the Crap website/store has left are size 18′s of the Crap DRESS that you’re convinced you love after five minutes on the web/in the den-of-psychotic- female-hormones that the store has become.

4) Contemplate entering the Coney Island hot dog eating contest, beating that clever little bastard Kobayashi, and letting it all go…just to fit into said size 18 Crap dress.

5) Get tired of hot dogs while “training.” Vow to never look at a hot dog again.

6) Be rezourceful and log onto eBay. Isn’t their slogan “Whatever it is, you can get it on eBay”? Type in (insert esteemed fashion designer) AND (Crap-like clothing distributor) and wait patiently as 8000 things come up.

7) There it is! The Limited Edition/Designer/Special Collaboration/Genius Marketing Ploy/Piece of Crap dress! In your size! Three words for you: “BUY. IT. NOW.”

8) Click the Buy It Now button, just as the eBay price of what was originally a $68 dress (already a ripoff) meets your eye. $389 DOLLARS–WTF?!?

9) Contact the seller of said $389 Crap dress and plead financial hardship to get out of the deal. Get negative feedback on eBay and vow to never go on eBay again.

10) Eat hot dogs in secret shame and troll eBay looking for something cute and affordable to wear. Good fucking luck.

“Who us? We don’t give a shit.”

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