Shut Up and Look Pretty

March 29th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Pictured below is Gwen Stefani and one of her Japanese comfort women performing last night on American Idol:


Gwen Stefani: Quick, Mikuko, get me my syringe. My face is starting to move.

Mikuko: With all due respect, Mistress Stefani, as I’ve told you eight thousand times before, my name is Elizabeth. (sigh) Do you need your face deep-freezer or do you want the stuff for your armpits, too?

Gwen Stefani: Mikuko! What did I say about talking back to your Mistress? Say another word and I will be forced…to hand you over to Master Rossdale.

Mikuko: Please, no, no, Mistress! I’ll do anything! I’ll follow you in full costume on your errands to Rite-Aid and the Beverly Center. I’ll eat Kingston’s runny poop, if you spare me this time! I am not so fond of Master Rossdale.

Gwen Stefani: Well I don’t like that puss-, er, Master Rossdale either. Try walking ONE day in my white patent tranny shoes, Mikuko! Ah, to be a slave. Not a care in the world.

Mikuko: Yes, yes, not a care.

Gwen Stefani: To have food and clothes and makeup provided for you, to never have to pay for anything. It’s like the world is your goody bag.

Mikuko: Mistress, I most deferentially beg to differ, but…

Gwen Stefani: Forty lashes tonight for you, Mikuko, for daring to talk back to your Mistress! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times before, Shut the fuck up and look pretty, Slave! That’s it! We’re done here. Now which one of you Japs, Mikuko, Mikuki, Mikaka–I can never tell you apart anyway–is holding my Gucci diaper bag? I think I just crapped myself.

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