It’s a Continent, You Fools.

March 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The CW Network is currently aiding the planet in what is quite possibly the most imperative search ever to rest its hopes in the hungrily awaiting arms of reality television… that for the next Pussycat Doll.

Of course I’ve asked myself, does the world really need one more Pussycat Doll? I’m still having trouble identifying them in any other way than “that lead one” and “those other ones.”

I mean, I am a teensy bit fascinated by “that lead one”–a vixen (who, like the others, can’t really sing but has an incredible looking rump) named Nicole Scherzinger, who has undergone so many stage name makeovers that not even her pinky seems to be half-Filipino anymore.

Anyway, if you’ve watched The Search for the Next Doll at all, you may have noticed that there is a talented, attractive 18-year old African-American Knick City Dancer from New York.

Her name is……ASIA. It may be very well be her stage name (bad), I’ll give her, but it may very well be her given name (worse).

Let’s discuss this a bit. I’ve known a Jordan, a Chad, and God Bless any woman named Tennessee. But it’s sketchy territory taking on the name of a location– a state, a country perhaps. But Asia? Really?

This Asia did it. But they’re PROG!

Asia Carrera did it, but she’s a PORN STAR. And check out the title she replaced: Jessica Andrea Steinhauser. Blick, that name cultivates images of bible study, not blow jobs.

You, ASIA, don’t actually rock and you are but a contestant for a soft-core-porn-homage pop group. Unfortunately, you don’t yet carry the massive weight required to wield the autograph of fifty-two countries (roughly 4 billion people). Don’tcha wish you were a little more like Name-Changy-Nicole? Then how ’bout a new stage moniker… I’ll even make the first suggestion: BADOW SASSAFRASS.

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