March 22nd, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I like to think of myself as a good reader. I took all of these useless lit courses in college about semiotics and hermeneutics and dialectics; I am also a proud owner of a Master’s of Fucking Around. But when I first looked at this story, I found myself without any critical faculties and reduced to reaching for a very full Xanax bottle:

“Kobe Bryant’s Lakers jersey is the cream of the NBA jersey crop in the United States … and now China. Sales of Kobe’s No. 24 displaced Tracy McGrady as China’s most popular seller.

The Los Angeles Lakers’ star has the top-selling jersey there, while sales of Yao Ming’s jersey in his home country continue to fall, according to results released by the NBA on Tuesday.”

The unmitigated stream-of-consciousness panic attack that followed went something like this:

profound shame one billion disgrasians profound shame race traitors profound shame fuck all y’all profound shame benedict arnolds profound shame 23 plus 1 is 24 profound shame you’ll never be michael
profound shamerape
profound shame not going to the playoffs profound shame i hate the lakers profound shame you’re a booger-eater profound shame shame go away come again another day eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

Two peach-colored Xannies later, I took a closer look at the article and received new insight. The piece was far more sinister the second time around. I realized it wasn’t about Kobe at all but, rather, about another subject almost as equally near and dear to my heart. Here are some telling lines:

1) according to results released by the NBA

2) NBA retail sales in China are expected to rise by more than 50 percent this year, the NBA said

3) The league plans, in conjunction with adidas, the exclusive NBA jersey supplier, to open 10 NBA stores in the country by 2008

4) viewing options of NBA games are on the rise as well, with broadcasts available on 51 television stations in China

Then the last line confirmed my suspicions.

5) At 1.3 billion, China is the world’s most populous country


Source: Sixteen Candles

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